Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

• The ADHD shame spiral from making mistakes in relationships

  A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach. Related resourcesThe MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach)ADHD and: ShameADHD and emotionsTimestamps(00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits(04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made(08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily(11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not(15:51) The element of repair(16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement(20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things(23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake(25:55) Jaye’s last piece of adviceFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• Navigating emotional intimacy with ADHD

  Emotional intimacy is about sharing an emotional connection and presence with yourself and other people. But a lot of ADHD traits, and lived experiences, can get in the way. This could be due to trouble with emotional regulation, the emotional labor it takes to feel believed, masking, and more.Michelle Frank is a clinical psychologist and the co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. Listen to this conversation exploring how shame can be a roadblock to emotional intimacy, and how this intimacy can look different within every relationship.Related resourcesMichelle’s book, A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(02:46) What is emotional intimacy?(04:14) Barriers to emotional intimacy with ADHD(09:33) Shame and ADHD(15:29) What steps can we take to build emotional intimacy?(17:28) Sitting in uncomfortable feelings, and rejection sensitivity(20:48) People pleasing versus building authentic connections(22:36) What about when we’re in a relationship without emotional intimacy?(28:41) Where can you find Michelle? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• Help! I’m in a parentified relationship!

  Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. Related resourcesLesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsydA Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(03:03) What is a parentified relationship?(05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility(07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered?(08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships(11:44) Weaponized incompetence(14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long?(17:19) Notice, shift, repair(18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner(21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things(22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner(24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse(28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids(32:24) Lesley’s parting advice(33:00) Where you can find Lesley and creditsFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• Consensual non-monogamy and ADHD relationships

  Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open relationships, polyamory, and other consensual non-monogamous relationships are more common than you might think. People with ADHD often find ways of living life outside of the typical standard. This could include being non-monogamous!Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist and sex therapist. She is the author of the book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients). Listen to this conversation on jealousy, reaching agreements with your partner, and what consensual non-monogamy really is.Related resourcesPolyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients) by Martha Kauppi8 Steps To Opening Up: Starting The Conversation About Non-Monogamy, a Free eBook by Martha KauppiMartha Kauppi’s website, www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.comTimestamps(00:55) Why learn about consensual non-monogamy?(04:04) What is consensual non-monogamy?(05:36) What is the biggest misconception about non-monogamy?(08:40) Building a relationship that works for you, not just what you see in the media(11:46) Viewing non-monogamy as an option in life(15:42) Moving toward consensual non-monogamy in a relational way(21:03) How would you start a conversation about opening your currently monogamous relationship?(24:20) Tips for working through jealousy (25:35) What is compersion?(30:13) It’s OK if non-monogamy isn’t for you! (32:10) Where can you find Martha? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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• ADHD and: Rejection sensitivity (From the “ADHD and” podcast)

  This week, host Cate Osborn shares an episode from ADHD and, another podcast on the MissUnderstood podcast channel.  Imagine receiving a “no” to an idea you’ve shared in a meeting. Instead of brushing it off, you become overwhelmed with thoughts of self-doubt and a deep sense of rejection.  This intense emotional reaction is known as rejection sensitivity. And many women with ADHD experience it. In this episode, Dr. J explains how ADHD can amplify fears of rejection. Listen in to learn strategies women with ADHD can use to navigate these feelings.Related resourcesADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)Emotion sunburn: What rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like to meRejection sensitivity, ADHD drain, and the power of failure (Weston’s story)Timestamps(00:00) Introduction from Cate(01:43) Start of ADHD and episode(02:32) What is rejection sensitivity?(04:33) How can rejection sensitivity impact women with ADHD?(05:14) Helpful ways to manage rejection(06:31) What is cognitive reframing?For a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected]. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

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