If I Speak

Ash and Moya talk about porn, sex work, desire, ‘duty sex’ and more in a conversation sparked by a mystery question. Is AI-generated porn driving viewers to more extreme content? Has OnlyFans made it harder to be a woman on the internet? Plus: advice for a bisexual woman who’s got history with her new housemate.

CN: This episode contains mentions of child sexual abuse at 18m and 23m.

Watch Ash’s interview with Patricia Nilsson, author of Guilty Pleasure: https://novara.media/patricia

Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com

Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash get their nerd on with a conversation about the rise of convenience and the loss of enchantment. How can we access feelings of wonder in a world of quick fixes? Is friction the spice of life? (With reference to LOTR, Jaws and Tony Stark.) Plus: when a so-called friend can’t do the bare minimum.

The book Moya mentions is Gabe Bullard’s Against Convenience.

Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com

Music by Matt Huxley.

What if we still haven’t processed what the pandemic did to us? Was Covid a permanent turning point for our social lives and mental health? Ash and Moya identify an ongoing yearning for connection amid the scare stories and the manic bounceback. Plus: is it your fault you’re still single?

Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com

Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash think about how money changes our priorities. Should rich friends should pay for their poor friends? And how do income gaps affect our romantic relationships? Plus: what to do when your partner reveals an addiction.

Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships

Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com

Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya is worried about status – and so are increasing numbers of men in therapy, according to a recent report. So what does status look like in this economy? How are men adapting to not being guaranteed breadwinners? Can you be both downwardly mobile and satisfied with your life?

Plus: what to do when you suspect your friend is in love with you.

Read the article on men in therapy: https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2026/aug/19/men-therapy-achievement-grief

Read John Burn-Murdoch on women breadwinners: https://www.ft.com/content/4b7b8d3f-5625-4dba-ad90-66192c101956?syn-25a6b1a6=1

Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships

Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com

Music by Matt Huxley.